私がこのように生まれたのか、それとも寝取られを選んだのか、その2

I really still can't understand myself as a woman within my own home, because at the same time that I feel jealous of my husband with his sister-in-law, I feel a certain lust to be able to imagine that in fact all that horniness that goes on between them is not just a figment of my imagination. But at the same time, I start to feel desire and attraction for the whole situation of being a cuckold inside my own home.